I have been absent from writing for over 5 months. It was certainly a busy 1/2 of year celebrating the holidays, working, singing, family visits, thyroid issues, Christmas, New Years and life. Not in that particular order of course. But crazy nonetheless!
I just stopped writing.
And believing. Not in Christ, but in myself. I lost my identity in him.
It's not necessarily due to an overwhelmed scheduled, but mainly due to some negative feedback. I was told I am not a writer. And that stung! I have never "claimed" to be a writer, novelist, academia girl. Nope, God did not bless me that way. And I am ok with it. In fact, I am not even a good reader. I have a very short attention span. However there are some great books out there that I simply want to ingest. Disclaimer: I am working on flexing the reading muscle.
Yet in some ways I feel like a contradiction. But I have so much going on in my head with "Jesus thoughts", testimonies, beautiful works that God is doing in my life, even amidst the storms surrounding me, and sometimes, I can't contain myself.
That's why I started blogging. I could be short, sweet and to the point! And get some things off my chest. Hopefully reaching a soul or two with the hope of God.
My heartfelt desire to share the good news to anyone who is willing to listen has become a passion, game changer and what I truly believe, my calling. God tells us in Mark 16:15 Go into all the world and teach the Gospel to all creation." So per his advice, I try to do just that. By writing, speaking and even singing. I am a worship leader for my churches worship team and to say my time with my worship family is my "happy place"; well that's an understatement.
But I have learned that sharing the Good News is no easy task! Some won't hear it, can't hear it, avoid hearing it at all costs. Or others have challenged my belief of Christ where I have literally become defenseless! That can wear a person down.
When you become a believer walking with Christ, getting a birds eye view of his tremendous healing power, well, to those suffering needlessly or fighting the wrong battles in life, you simply can't help thinking this way:
"What are you doing"?!, JESUS is the miracle worker! Tried and true. The way, the truth, the light. The waymaker when there seems like no other way. How is not following him working out for you?"
and so on....
So I think, I learn, I write, I speak, I share, & then I digress. It's a conundrum! And it doesn't help when you are criticized.
As mentioned, the point of blogging was to share what I have learned in my life as a Jesus follower. Not claim I have all the answers. The "air that I breathe now" is one of a clearer understanding of this life God has given us. But this personal revelation also encourages a stronger desire to know Jesus more.
This broken, hot mess of a daughter in Christ continuously prays to go deeper with him and even in the storms, rejection and criticisms of life, he is the light in that darkness. Healing every heart willing to let him in.
He has definitely turned my life around.
My hiatus has taught me one BIG thing. He never stops working. Even when I do. Even when I can't see he's working. He does. He was. He is. Always!
Even when I run fast forward towards what I think God's will is for me, without checking in with him first. He weaves in his promises within my messes and makes a way.
Even when I feel criticized, left out, left behind, far, far behind. He makes a way that makes me feel loved, accepted, accomplished in that moment; encouraging me to be still in that place he is working in.
Even when another mountain is smack dab in front, blocking my view of tomorrow. God makes a way for me in the middle of my personal messes and not only stays true to his promises, but gives me hope for a better tomorrow.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
That is who he is!
The Waymaker. Miracle worker. Promise Keeper. Light in the darkness.
My God, that is who you are!
And thank you! Cause you know I can't do this life without you!